Talk:Jakuro/@comment-138.75.225.2-20150729004156
Whoa, whoa, back up there, I would just like to comment that L's face as a face claim doesn't really suit the shonen manga look of one piece. He looks better suited to one of those gothic psychological horror mangas which Death Note (thats his origin), really. I'm guessing since you liked his appearance, you chose him? Not that bad of a problem by itself. Additionally, wouldn't having the Mizu Mizu no Mi mean that the is practically invincible as he cannot be affected by the sea, no? This would mean that Kairoseki would not affect him! The only way he can be killed is through Haki? No, that's illogical. Maybe change his Devil Fruit to something like Watervapour or have some other power that doesn't undermine canon? Another point I would like to bring up is why the superhuman strength and superhuman speed? This doesn''t add up. If he is human as stated, why would he have these powers? Did the pirates do something to him i.e. torture that affected his nerves? Yet another thing that bugs me is Jakuro's bounty. As far as I can see, Jakuro did not really cause much trouble with the World Government- all they did was beat up a few people on some distant base. Granted, they took out more than a thousand marines, but first off, that much damage just because of a wave is impossible, and additionally, Luffy has a 400,000,000 bounty only because he did a lot of damage in many marine bases, as well as Enies Lobby and a few others. Jakuro's crew are also very stereotypical. A shipwright hungry for fights, best friend cum first mate, as well as the sadistic doctor. Ironically, this would fit well in Death Note. Finally, I would like to talk about the history. There are certain parts which dont really add up. For example, why would the pirates leave the devil fruit on the table instead of locking it up immediately? Another thing is- why was Jakuro so unaffected by the death of his father? A suggestion of mine would be to make it such that he was so affected by the death of his father he tried to attack Kivi, except that Kivi stopped him and laughed that he was weak. He could have then followed Moxx to the hill and bided his time. I am not going to comment on Moxx as it seems that he is another OC. However, why would Kivi be killed so easily? You did not say that he was weak, or that Jakuro has had training, in fact his bounty is 13,000,000 beli! He should at least have put up a fight or something. In conclusion, this character is a straight out Gary Stu. It is difficult (believe me, I have experience) to give your beloved character weaknesses, but they are a part of every single believable person. Look at Zoro- he has no sense of direction and is easily provoked. Sanji- perverted and smokes. Usopp- compulsive liar. Brook- perverted. Luffy- dreamy and incomprehensible. Nami- beli lover. You get it? They each have a single weakness that sets them back, but its also what makes them believable, likable characters. They have beliefs and they have fears. This is why so many people are able to write believable fanfiction about them. Your OC, on the other hand, is poorly thought out, but his problems can be corrected with a few choice changes. Do your best! :D